Sorry seems to be the hardest word…. When you’re dealing with the FIERCE
I still can’t believe i ended my Poly life with a heartbreak.
WARNING: RAW. NO SUGAR ADDED.
I woke up and bathed. I was late for school. Actually i was late for studying. Despite having less than ?? hours to revise my notes, i took the time to dress up and put some make up on. My classmates had plans to watch a movie after our final paper. Repeat: Final aka i-will-never-see-my-friends-again-unless-they-actually-miss-me-and-call-me-up-for-a-get-together. I was excited. I mean, i’ve missed tons of outing with them before and i didn’t want to to miss this last one.
So i made my way to school after being 15 mins late from my supposed ‘leaving house’ time. Turns out, only C was in school. Even Nasrul was sleeping soundly at home. -_-”
Blah blah blah.
Reached school, greeted C. Few minutes later, T arrived. They discussed lunch and i interrupted them with a, “Eh, we’re going to watch a movie later right?”
T laughed a nervous laugh, and C gave his usual smile. (They suddenly talked about C and his cousin, god knows why. I didn’t even give a hoot) After about like 127s, T responded with a, “C booked the tickets already, but he didn’t book for you.” To which C replied with a, “Huh? I thought you going out with Nasrul. Cause you always go out with Nasrul.”
My face turned sour. I just embarrassed myself with a self-invite to my classmate’s outing and i even dressed up for it. Made a fool out of myself? Check.
“Oh. Okay” was my reply. What the hell was i supposed to say after a bomb like that? “Oh C you made her angry!” -T.
So they went off to god knows where because right after the embarrassing moment, my head just dropped and suddenly my notes seems extremely interesting.
C appears out of nowhere and asked me if i wanted to go. Apparently he can book for me.
Erm, hello? I know i just made a fool out of myself but can you not belittle me further?
I kindly replied with a no, it’s okay. I’m sure Nasrul can go out with me or something. (There wasn’t any apologies okay! Like, WOW!)
Actually, i already knew that Nasrul had to give tuition to his cousin, so that leaves me with myself for a company. (Actually misery was my accompany haha) This therefore made me a bigger loser because i just lied so i don’t have to look extra pathetic. One has a limit to how pathetic one can be, right?
They left me to have lunch and blah blah blah… I was still sitting there waiting for an apology. Okay fine, i was sitting there trying so hard not to cry. Yes, they broke my heart cause i’m sensitive like that. It was also because i didn’t expect to be told so matter-of-fact-ly that i wasn’t part of the group since i’m not always present.
I sat. And read. And tweeted. And grew really uncomfortable. And read. And i got up and left for the toilet and cried like a small kid. Repeat: Broken-hearted.
Came back, more friends arrived. Put on my earpiece and pretended i was listening to music. Heard people gossiping about me. WHAT’S NEW RIGHT. TALK IN CHINESE. RACIST PEICE OF SHIT. And then…
“Fatiha,” I turned. SS signals for me to remove earpiece. “I can hear you” “Huh?” “I can hear you well” SS’s face went :O (told you they were talking about me. Douchebag) “Want to go watch movie?” “No it’s okay” (still trying to remain calm, cause i didn’t want to create a scene. Afterall, i was nobody(nobody is perfect therefore i am perfect haha joke)) “Why not? Come uh.” “For what?!”
So….. nothing happened. L TO THE O TO THE L MAN. STILL NO APOLOGIES FROM ANYONE. Because apparently, everyone just assumes that i’m angry and pissed and mad. Because everybody failed to realise i have other emotions like sadness and disappointment and what have you. Because why, i’m fatiha FIERCE.
Fuck. You.
My anger is a mere mask. I just hate letting people see me cry. So can you imagine how upset i was, sitting with my classmates(note that i used classmates and not friends?) feeling extremely awkward because as more people came, news spread, everyone stealing nervous glances at me, waiting to see when i’ll scream and shout because repeat: fatiha FIERCE. Nobody dared utter a single word to me. T tried with nonsense like, “Fatiha you know how to do calculations?” To which i had to lie with a nod despite having no clue because i was just too upset. I’m thinking they were all too scared to say something. No, not to apologize of course. Why would they?
Even SJ ignored me. HAH. Last day of school and apparently it was time to show their true colors: Anti-Fatiha ftw!
Moving forward, i texted YS with a self-invite to study with his friends because sitting with my classmates felt like my heart was going to explode. You don’t know how relieved i was when he told me he’ll fetch me at the bridge of FC4. I WAS RESCUED FROM MY MISERY. WOOHOO!
YS and B questioned my sudden wanting to study with them despite sitting at FC4 for quite some time. (I texted YS right after C delievered the horrible news but i didn’t know where the hell SP Care was so i rejected his offer of studying together) My whole point of staying was to hear a single apology.. just one sorry. Didn’t get any ofc.
So i explained how i got ditched and halfway cried and made them feel awkward and gosh, i know you guys won’t read this, but thanks so much for the tissue and crack jokes. Felt HEAPS BETTER! Loving my oldies group. (YS and B and friends are like 25-26yo therefore oldies)
I think i’m rambling.
So Nasrul finally came to school and gave me an, “Awwww baby” Geez. *rolls eyes*
Settled down, studied a bit more, bought food. Nasrul saw JJ who asked about my state of mind while buying a drink. “Is she still angry?(WHAT’S UP WITH ANGRY MAN?! I AM NOT ANGRY I AM SUPER UPSET YOU MORONS!!! YOU GUYS FAILED TO SAY THAT ONE WORD!) I want to talk to her but i’m scared to” Err dude, where your balls at? In fact, dudeSSS where your balls at?!
When T got hold of Nasrul, he called and asked for my whereabouts(oh i forgot to mention that when i left them, i just left. Like, like that. Stormed off if you wanna imagine. Goodbyes were redundant)
In SP Care, B, YS, Nasrul and i were laughing and suddenly T and C came in.
T:”Fatiha you angry uh? Eh sorry sorry. We didn’t mean to leave you out”
Me:*finally had the brains to apologize. Douchebag*
Me: Silent treatment. I was holding back my tears. I know, i’m like a douche too.
T tried hard to make me talk and forgive them all and join in for the movie. Because suddenly, they had plenty of tickets. AMAZING. MAGIC!
Me: Ignore
T: “Come la come. Nasrul plead her to go okay”
Blah blah blah paper ended. My classmates already left for movies. So much for begging. Din’t even bother to wait for me till i finish with my paper. Jerks.
Left for breakfast+lunch+dinner at Banquet@Vivo with Nasrul who felt sorry for me so he sacrificed a bit of his time to accompany his poor girlfriend. After my 3-in-1 meal (i missed lunch for i was too distracted), received 7 missed calls from T and like, messages. Movie was starting soon so he asked if i still want to go. OMG like what’s the point right?
The end. It’s 3.30 am now.
If you’re wondering, only T apologized. Guess only 1 person treasures our friendship while the others rather hide my wrath. Repeat: DOUCHE.
MORAL OF THE STORY: ASSUMPTIONS ARE DANGEROUS.
